An amiable troll
I am taking a moment to consider the nature of this thing I wrestle with called ADD. If you have read my posts you get pretty quickly that the ADD thing is full blown and makes following my train of thought hard.
That's not because my thoughts are so much obscure or oblique as they are random. But what you are experiencing as a reader - I live - day in and day out. I wonder about what other people's prayer lives must be like compared to mine? I have half a dozen thought options I could follow at any given time - I struggle to follow a single track to it's predictable end. (Note that I intentionally did NOT say logical end. That might infer that those of us alternate thinkers were beyond the scope of logic and that is hardly the case. )
It's just that for me, a line of thinking can go so many ways at each turn of a phrase at each moment in that train of thought I don't see next - I see options. An old friend said that my mind works like a roladex. Someone mentions an idea and I immediately start to reference any stories i know and the like to that idea. It's a wonderful gift to have in many ways - I see stuff that others don't see, hear things that others don't hear - all because of this "wiring."
Like yesterday - I'm waiting for Heidi to finish her purchase at the make up counter. I look down and see proudly displayed "Invisible line remover cream." I drew this anomaly to the attention of a staff member. She looked at the product and told me it was great stuff. I asked if she wanted the keys to the invisible Hummer I'd left parked outside. She made a face that made me think I hurt her brain.
But as much as this side of it is wonderful - there are other sides that aren't. Like the side that left you wondering why I brought up wondering about other people's prayers and then said nothing more about it. The reason was not some clever way to try and help you "get" what it's like to have ADD - the reason is that in my mind ideas are left to float and dangle as they may. It just didn't rematerialize in the ether of the conversation. I still have lots of thoughts about it but it didn't make the "final edit" called speech.
I am just figuring out what it is to contend with ADD after living with it for four decades. It's like discovering you have an amiable troll living in the space under your stairs at home. A bit unnerving to be sure, but once you realize he his harmless enough, and that getting rid of him would mean losing a lot of other really great things - things you really like, you begin to think about coming to terms with the brute.
In the end I'll only guess what the prayers of others are like. Mine will always be like the twitchy one in your family that hogs the remote and watches several programs at once. I am just asking God right now to help me move from the place where my faith is about what it does for me. I want to love God for His sake - and from that place alone find how to love myself in Him.
ernard - a friend of Jesus' who maybe loved his mom a bit too much.
That's not because my thoughts are so much obscure or oblique as they are random. But what you are experiencing as a reader - I live - day in and day out. I wonder about what other people's prayer lives must be like compared to mine? I have half a dozen thought options I could follow at any given time - I struggle to follow a single track to it's predictable end. (Note that I intentionally did NOT say logical end. That might infer that those of us alternate thinkers were beyond the scope of logic and that is hardly the case. )
It's just that for me, a line of thinking can go so many ways at each turn of a phrase at each moment in that train of thought I don't see next - I see options. An old friend said that my mind works like a roladex. Someone mentions an idea and I immediately start to reference any stories i know and the like to that idea. It's a wonderful gift to have in many ways - I see stuff that others don't see, hear things that others don't hear - all because of this "wiring."
Like yesterday - I'm waiting for Heidi to finish her purchase at the make up counter. I look down and see proudly displayed "Invisible line remover cream." I drew this anomaly to the attention of a staff member. She looked at the product and told me it was great stuff. I asked if she wanted the keys to the invisible Hummer I'd left parked outside. She made a face that made me think I hurt her brain.
But as much as this side of it is wonderful - there are other sides that aren't. Like the side that left you wondering why I brought up wondering about other people's prayers and then said nothing more about it. The reason was not some clever way to try and help you "get" what it's like to have ADD - the reason is that in my mind ideas are left to float and dangle as they may. It just didn't rematerialize in the ether of the conversation. I still have lots of thoughts about it but it didn't make the "final edit" called speech.
I am just figuring out what it is to contend with ADD after living with it for four decades. It's like discovering you have an amiable troll living in the space under your stairs at home. A bit unnerving to be sure, but once you realize he his harmless enough, and that getting rid of him would mean losing a lot of other really great things - things you really like, you begin to think about coming to terms with the brute.
In the end I'll only guess what the prayers of others are like. Mine will always be like the twitchy one in your family that hogs the remote and watches several programs at once. I am just asking God right now to help me move from the place where my faith is about what it does for me. I want to love God for His sake - and from that place alone find how to love myself in Him.
ernard - a friend of Jesus' who maybe loved his mom a bit too much.
Raising right brained children in a left brained world has been a good read.
Glad we've found each other in the crazy world of the blogosphere... (Comment this)